Growing Up Part XVI

The last episode gave you an idea how things were in the mid-sixties. Nowadays, getting circumcised is so easy and without much fuss and ado. That was also the era when television was launched. Bah bought a nice set, which was in black & white. There were no colour TV yet those days. Although the introduction of TV was something everyone was waiting for, particularly the novelty of TV itself. For us, it was not a big fuss because we were used to TV when we were in the UK.

In the evening, some of our neighbours from the village would drop by to watch. Bah was always very accommodating. He would always leave the doors open and they would come in and sit on the floor to watch the programmes. At anytime, there would be about eight to twelve of them, mostly kids. If any elderly neighbour came, Bah would invite them to sit with him. Although they came to watch TV with us, they were considerate enough to give us some privacy. They would not come too early nor leave too late. They normally come over to watch a drama or a movie when they are on.

The casualty due to the emergence of TV was our grand radio. This was not in total mind you because those early days, TV programmes started only in the evening. So our grand old radio still enjoyed our patronage during the day time. It still had a long life ahead because it followed us to our next move away from Telok Anson.

Life became a routine. I had to cycle about five miles each day during the week from our house to Bah’s college to practice my piano on the days that I had no lessons. It was quite tiring and I was getting to not like taking the lessons anymore. Furthermore, on certain evening, my brother and I had our violin lessons. Nonetheless, I still enjoyed my music.

When I completed my primary school and started secondary school, we had to choose a uniform body to join as an extra curricular activity. My brother, who entered secondary school earlier, was a Scout. This was in line with family tradition where Bah was already a King’s Scout. At times when he had invitations to a Scout’s activity, he would wear his uniform. He looked very nice in it except for his shorts. They were the fifties type, complete with pleats, large enough for two legs to get into on side of the pants, and the length ended just above the knee. It was starched so much that I think if you put on the floor, it would stand up! I think some of you would have seen him wearing the same shorts when he did his gardening many years later, but with the top button undone because he had gained weight.

The politically correct choice was for me to join the Scouts, but I felt more comfortable joining the St. John’s Ambulance Brigade. On the day of registration, I lined up together with the new recruits. I was standing near the end of the line with my classmate who was my best mate. He too had the same dilemma as me. When Brother Patrick (teacher in charge) was noting down the names towards the middle of the line, suddenly I had second thoughts and I ran out of the line towards the bicycle parking shed. I thought I was the only one who did that, but apparently my friend did the same too. When I asked him why he ran, he said that he was just following me. I told him I was not sure whether I should join SJAB because it might upset my dad. Funnily enough, he had the same thoughts too.

For several weeks I didn’t enrol in any uniform activity, until one day Brother Patrick summoned me to his quarters. I went to see him that same afternoon after school not certain what to expect. Brother Patrick was Irish was a top of red hair, and had a reputation of one blowing his top often. You wouldn’t want to be the brunt of his anger as whatever he was holding might fly to you. Our meeting was in fact very pleasant. He said that he wanted to start a band with SJAB. He had heard that I was keen in music and asked whether I would be interested to join the band as its Drum Major. I told him that I would be honoured to do so, but preferred to play an instrument rather than be a Drum Major. He agreed on condition that I would assist the person he selected as Drum Major.

I did join the St. John’s Ambulance Brigade, but not before I told Bah of my meeting with Brother Patrick, crossing my fingers hoping that he would not be upset by breaking the family’s tradition. I was quite taken aback because he said he knew about it already. The principal of the school, Brother Damien, had asked him earlier. Actually, Bah told him it was up to me to decide, but he would not have a problem with it if I wished to. And so, I had a couple of years in the band, starting from scratch together with Brother Patrick. Our band had basic instruments, mainly clarinets, piccolos, trumpets and bugles. Of course the mandatory drums and cymbals was a must. The only drawback of being in the band was the time it took off you for practices. It was putting a lot of strain between the band, my gymnastic practices and not to forget my piano and violin.

Bah had a history of gastritis, which would graduate to an ulcer. It was during our time in Telok Anson that he had an ulcer. It was serious enough for him to be hospitalised, not in Telok Anson itself, but in Batu Gajah, which was about two hours journey by car from where we were. Mum would visit Bah daily, going in the morning and coming back in the evening. On alternate days, she would make my brother and I come along. These were in the afternoon after our school. I had visited Bah about three times already when mum insisted I had to go with heron the next trip. Alas, it was the same day where I had my band practice too. I told mum I couldn’t go because of it. Mum blew her top. There I was, getting the full force of mum’s fury and dreading the next day of Brother Patrick’s wrath. Throughout the journey and at the hospital I was quiet and Bah noticed it. When he asked whether anything was the matter with me, mum went into her tirade of how selfish I was in wanting to go for my band practice rather then visiting Bah. I was expecting Bah’s to concur with mum, but was taken aback when he told mum that I should have gone for my practice because the band depended on me. Mum pulled a long face at that but kept her peace. Because of what Bah said, I was really glad I came to visit him instead, that he understood the dilemma I was in. I was doubly glad that Brother Patrick wasn’t angry with me when I told him I visited my father and couldn’t come for the practice. He said it was alright and even asked how Bah was getting on. In the end, I had to give credit to mum (although reluctantly) for making me visit Bah instead, because of the important lessons learnt that day. One was that your family must always come first, especially in times of need. The second was that your parents do know what was best for you, and therefore we should listen to them more. The third was that if you practise the first and second lessons, others would respect you more for it.

Eventually Bah recovered and came back home. Life got back to its normalcy again. I learnt later from Bah’s colleague, that his illness was serious enough to be life-threatening. You may say that it was only an ulcer of the stomach, but with the medical facilities and skills we had in those days, it might as well be.

What about my brother during all these events you might ask? Well, being the first borne, he was always my mum’s favourite. He was a Scout which made Bah proud and also they had many things to talk about and for Bah to show him scouting skills. Not that I was envious of him, but I can say that during that time, he had his priorities right, and recalling them today, I can say that I was proud of him. He understood my dilemma but didn’t say anything, which I appreciated. He could have made it worse though, but he didn’t.

Those were times too when Bah and mum had serious quarrels, or rather it was mum’s quarrel with Bah. Bah was a gentle soul and I had all my life not seen him having a quarrel with anyone (except with some politicians that he was not fond off). It lasted almost a week where we heard mum shouting and crying in the middle of the night. My brother and I couldn’t sleep as it was something new for us that had us worried. My brother would stand at their bedroom door, come back to the room and told me to do the same. I didn’t want to actually, but he forced me to. I didn’t realise the wisdom of this until one night, amidst the sounds of mum crying and moaning, we heard Bah calling us loudly to come to him. As we were already at their door, we ran in quickly. What we saw was shocking to us both. Bah was holding mum’s hands. In her right hand was a kitchen knife! Bah told us to take it away from her, which we managed to do. I knew Bah could have easily dislodged or taken the knife away from mum, but I knew he didn’t want to hurt her in any way. After we took the knife away, mum started crying more and started hugging my brother. It was sad to see her that way but Bah told us to quietly go back to our room and to take the knife back to the kitchen. My brother and I discussed the incident and we concluded that mum wanted to use the knife on her rather than on Bah. The quarrels ended after that eventful night. For me, it remained in my sketched in memory forever, because it was the first and only quarrels that mum had with Bah.

It wasn’t due to anything much really, except that mum felt jealous unnecessarily. At that time, an American peace corp lecturer was attached to Bah’s college for a couple of weeks. She was a nice lady, neither really pretty nor attractive as most American Peace Corps were, but soft spoken and kind. The issue was that Bah had to take her to visit schools where his students were attached. These were only day trips. Because of this, Bah couldn’t come home in the afternoon for his usual power naps. This lead to mum having wild imaginations and hence her quarrelled with Bah. Her jealousy took the better of her good judgement, and accused Bah of wanting to leave her for the American lady. Of course Bah kept on stating that they were not true, but mum refused to believe him. Bah being an educationist, was also a master in psychology. He was very patient with mum despite mum’s vehement accusations. In the end, every thing turned out for the better.

The quarrels lasted a week as I said earlier. It ended as quickly as it started. Bah came home in the afternoons because later I found out that he had requested one of the other lecturers to accompany the American on her visits. That was the father I knew and loved. He loved his family very much, and they very important to him. All his life, without us realising it, he made sacrifices for us all, his wife, his children, his in-laws, parents and his siblings and their children. He did all those things without any expectation of return or of anyone knowing he doing it. If there were a better example of the left hand not knowing what the right hand did, I would Bah’s the best example of one of such magnanimity.

I had to think twice about writing this sad episode in growing up, but I had promised to let you know how it was with Bah and mum. The good, the bad and sometimes the ugly are parts of our lives. We can’t run away from it. What is important is that we learn from them and try to make our lives and those around us, a better place and time to live in…….